Brief and crappy review of X-men 3
Mutants, something, something, conflict, chick painted blue, stuff blowing up. 4 out of 5 stars.
That's not too brief is it? I guess what I really liked about the movie was the special effects, and the lingering shots of a blue figure. Oh, and that prick with the laser eyes finally gets killed. Thank Zeus that happens early on since I can't stand him. He was such a whiner, too bad he didn't suffer more. And don't yell at me for that being a spoiler that he gets killed, think of it more like a reason to go to the movie in the first place.
Anyway, the flick was entertaining, even though it was mostly about some woman with a serious PMS trip existing in a universe in which they break about 50,000 laws of physics per second. So it's hard to feel like "oh man, how will they get out of this mess?!" when you know they will just break a ton of laws of physics and magically solve everything. Let's start with the basics: Every action has an equal and opposite reaction. If you hurl a car, or lift an entire bridge, the equal force has to go in the other direction. I'm just sayin'. And somebody get that mutant woman some Pamprin before she kills everybody. Magneto thinks he can control her? Ha! Bad move pal. If Magneto had ever had a girlfriend he would not have made that mistake.
posted by Jason W. @ 9:41 PM
5 Comments:
Superman got killed in an X-man movie? You're right he is a pansy. I'm glad he is dead.
I forgot to mention, no pun intended.
If I remember the first two movies correctly, laser-boy was a little too good looking for an X-man, and deserved to die. I think to be considered a mutant, you should have a hunchback, at a minimum.
Anyway, how would you rate this movie as compared to the first two? Also, in the future, I'd like you to use the following scale in your movie reviews:
5 Stars: Good enough to see in the theater.
4 Stars: Good enough to see in a theater, but go to the matinee.
3 Stars: Wait till it show up on Netflix, and them move it to the top of the queue.
2 Stars: Wait for it to show up on Netflix, and allow it to filter to the top of the queue of its own accord.
1 Star: Netflix it, and when it arrives cook in microwave for 3 minutes so no one else is subjected to its vileness.
This would really help me in my movie vetting process. Thank you for your consideration.
How would I rate this compared to the first two? What is this, Calculus? Look, I'm working off a linear scale with no factor for previous movie comparisons.
Anyway given the Linear Moody scale which you have outlined below, I'll have to increase my rating to 4.25. I would see it in a theater at night if someone asked me to and I would feel ok about it.
I saw the movie for a second time since my brother wanted to go. I have a lot more observations, which I don't have time to type.
But these mutants have more than one skill. The tin man guy can not only change to...tin I guess, but also remain flexible and store and release energy - like throwing a guy. And this brings me to my main point, tin man has the ability to throw things in a non-parabolic path. When he throws Wolverine, it's kinda like a straight line. This is amazing! I think he should be called Paraboliodo or something. That tin crap is yesterday.
I would also like to see a mutant with the ability to cure pollen allergies, and one who has the amazing ability to tell your mother-in-law stuff which you are too scared to tell her yourself - like how you are not going to visit for Christmas.
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