America: Unprepared

I know that sometimes this blog tends to focus a little too much on the myriad of disasters that are crouching over us, ready to pounce without warning and send us all to the next life, screaming. I blame Jason's rampant paranoia and Kendall's sad, quiet death wish for this unhealthy obsession. Well, I don't mean to pile on, but I found this important story that demonstrates just how unprepared we are for the coming apocalypse. Here are a few quotes from this chilling article:

Despite "more than ample warning" for the most likely means of worldwide destruction, less than one million American households have taken even the simplest precautions against nuclear shockwaves, asteroid impact, or a host of angels bearing swords of fire, the study concluded.

"Even assuming someone eventually developed an above-ground super-house able to withstand the 1,200-degree temperature and massive force of lava and ash rain that would result from a globe-shattering asteroid impact, its occupants would be unprepared for the ensuing radical climate change," Olheiser said. "By the same token, the average household lacks the 1.2 million gallons of heating oil needed to withstand the prolonged sub-zero temperatures of another protracted Ice Age—perhaps the most shocking of the public's many oversights."

"I just renovated my house with cantilevered leaden cofferdams for increased earthquake and radiation protection, and I'm working on a pantheistic altar to appease the god or gods most likely to return to this world with an insatiable wrath," said Seattle resident Tim Hanson, whose actions were praised in the study as a "highly rare display of prescience and vigilance."

Get started on your pantheistic altar today. Do it for the kids.